Umm...what am I doing? And why, again?
I have new found respect for entrepreneurs. In college (and since), I romanticized them: bold, passionate individuals who made significant professional and personal sacrifices to bring something that they really believed in to life, usually from scratch. Also, they usually got rich at the end of it (can anyone spell IPO?).
As an entrepreneur myself now (aHEM...if I may be so bold), I'm seeing the other side of the coin, especially when just starting out: a ridonkulous amount of work (it's never done, really), little/no pay (which goes great with all the start-up costs), the need to do everything yourself (product development, marketing...even my own friggin IT support), and then, maybe two months and a few days into the venture, having to deal with what I'll call the entrepreneur's nemesis: doubt.
Umm...what am I doing?
I was in a bum mood on Saturday after spending pretty much all day trying to edit my reel (still outstanding, btw). I started thinking about all the other things I could be doing (like, umm, traveling the world?!), and began to question myself. I mean, c'mon...what are the odds I'll "make it"? And I'm not talking rich and famous--just make a decent living as an actor. Seriously? (Btw, if you know, don't tell me; it'll only make things worse). I mean, I don't have a natural competitive advantage (read: mommy and daddy are not in the industry), and I'm starting out at the bottom (read: uncles and aunts are not in the industry), and Hollywood is infamous for its competitive, cut throat nature (it's worse than you think).
It's while I'm trying to connect my camcorder to my computer for the fifth time that I pause to think "WTF am I doing"?!
And why, again?
I saw Johnny Depp on Friday afternoon, signing autographs after doing the "hands in concrete" thing on Hollywood Blvd. It was absolutely surreal seeing everyone all lined up, cheering, jumping, pushing, drooling, gawking, and sometimes even being freakish (a few full costume Charlies and Jack Sparrows were present), just being in the mere presence of this guy. I walked through the crowd with an odd detachment, thinking, "do I want this??" The answer was pretty clear, and I relished in my anonyminity as I snaked my way away from the man.
Later, while working on my #$%# reel, I caught a bit of The Diary of Angelina Jolie & Dr Jeffrey Sachs in Africa. I watched with a combination of sadness/disbelief at the conditions and stories of the villagers in Sauri, and admiration/respect for the celebrity. Probably not coincidentally, that evening I saw Crash. And as I lay in bed that night, I thought of others in the industry who use their fame or tap their resources for worthy social causes (everyone from Bono to 'unknown' friends I have in the biz). I remembered movies from City of God to my friend's In The Morning. And then I remembered again why I'm doing this. The media and entertainment industries (and its leaders) are far more powerful than most like to realize, and I want to get in a position where I can use some of that power for good.
The "why" motivates the "what". I just hope the "how" comes to me sooner rather than later.
------
A quick note about this blog...as you've seen (Mr. Blender man), I'm posting less often--but my posts are longer. This will continue. Until it changes.
As an entrepreneur myself now (aHEM...if I may be so bold), I'm seeing the other side of the coin, especially when just starting out: a ridonkulous amount of work (it's never done, really), little/no pay (which goes great with all the start-up costs), the need to do everything yourself (product development, marketing...even my own friggin IT support), and then, maybe two months and a few days into the venture, having to deal with what I'll call the entrepreneur's nemesis: doubt.
Umm...what am I doing?
I was in a bum mood on Saturday after spending pretty much all day trying to edit my reel (still outstanding, btw). I started thinking about all the other things I could be doing (like, umm, traveling the world?!), and began to question myself. I mean, c'mon...what are the odds I'll "make it"? And I'm not talking rich and famous--just make a decent living as an actor. Seriously? (Btw, if you know, don't tell me; it'll only make things worse). I mean, I don't have a natural competitive advantage (read: mommy and daddy are not in the industry), and I'm starting out at the bottom (read: uncles and aunts are not in the industry), and Hollywood is infamous for its competitive, cut throat nature (it's worse than you think).
It's while I'm trying to connect my camcorder to my computer for the fifth time that I pause to think "WTF am I doing"?!
And why, again?
I saw Johnny Depp on Friday afternoon, signing autographs after doing the "hands in concrete" thing on Hollywood Blvd. It was absolutely surreal seeing everyone all lined up, cheering, jumping, pushing, drooling, gawking, and sometimes even being freakish (a few full costume Charlies and Jack Sparrows were present), just being in the mere presence of this guy. I walked through the crowd with an odd detachment, thinking, "do I want this??" The answer was pretty clear, and I relished in my anonyminity as I snaked my way away from the man.
Later, while working on my #$%# reel, I caught a bit of The Diary of Angelina Jolie & Dr Jeffrey Sachs in Africa. I watched with a combination of sadness/disbelief at the conditions and stories of the villagers in Sauri, and admiration/respect for the celebrity. Probably not coincidentally, that evening I saw Crash. And as I lay in bed that night, I thought of others in the industry who use their fame or tap their resources for worthy social causes (everyone from Bono to 'unknown' friends I have in the biz). I remembered movies from City of God to my friend's In The Morning. And then I remembered again why I'm doing this. The media and entertainment industries (and its leaders) are far more powerful than most like to realize, and I want to get in a position where I can use some of that power for good.
The "why" motivates the "what". I just hope the "how" comes to me sooner rather than later.
------
A quick note about this blog...as you've seen (Mr. Blender man), I'm posting less often--but my posts are longer. This will continue. Until it changes.
posted by sundeep at 5:53 PM
5 Comments:
It is good to do evaluate your direction, once in a while, and make sure that this is what you want to do. --M
How funny, I just saw CRASH this past weekend and saw parts of the Angelina Jolie thing on cable too! I just emailed you btw. -NKG
Hang in there holmes... Evaluation happens anywhere, whether in Hollywood or Silicon Valley.
- VG
just happened to email you wrong, and just happened to see the website address by chance..... co-incidence.
against all the hurdles in life, wishing you all the luck. made me realise that you need to try your best to achieve....
Let me just say, I am SO glad someone else wants to know what they are doing, because I would really like to know what I'm doing! What AM I doing? No, really!? Anyway, good luck! You're definitely going places :) !
By the way, thanks for the read!
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